Why was the snail crying?
Because he was robbed by a pair of naughty turtles!
What is the difference between a slug and a snail?
One's a Catholic, one's a Protestant.
Why couldn't the snail use her Boots Advantage card in the jungle?
Because there aren't any branches of Boots in the jungle!
A slug says to a snail, "Please buy a Big Issue from me." And the snail responds, "Bolt ya jakie basturt".
What was the snail's favourite Beatles song?
Why was the snail deaf?
Because he didn't have any ears!